Prompt: Crying
It's a
Crummy World
Crying. The Slayer was crying.
Not that he thought she couldn't, or hadn't – hell, he knew sheĠd shed plenty of tears over the
poof's worthless soul – but he'd never seen it. All she'd ever shown him was her slayer
face. Stoic, controlled, only the occasional disgusted twist of her mouth, or angry
flash of her eyes to hint at the emotions being held so tightly in check.
Now, here she was. Sitting on her back porch, face in hands, not
even noticing that a master vampire – an armed master vampire! – was approaching her back yard. Not until he stopped a few feet away did
she glance up, making no attempt to hide her wet cheeks.
"What do you want?" Her voice was dull,
flat, not a trace of irritation or fear.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Is there something I can do?"
He slipped into place beside her on the top step, leaning the
shotgun against the side of the deck and searching his brain for the proper
response to a woman's tears. It was Buffy. The Slayer. It's not like he could
make it all better by bringing her babies to eat. He lifted his hand and gave a few
tentative pats to her bowed back.
There was no response as he dropped the hand back to his side and dropped
his own head to stare into the yard.
Buffy turned her head slowly to peer at him from
damp, suspicious eyes.
"Why would you want to do anything?"
"Dunno," he muttered. "'s not like I should give a
shit what happens to you after...." He clenched his fists as the reason he'd
come there, shotgun in hand, returned to him.
Buffy's eyes widened; she remembered how she'd left him sprawled in
the alley behind the Bronze. He
could tell when memory of her cruel words hit her, and she had the grace to
blush. She frowned at the shotgun,
now leaning against the porch, and back at his confused face. Sad realization
flared in her eyes before they went dull again.
"I'm sorry, Spike."
She shook her head and dropped it back into her hands. "That's all
you'll get from me tonight. I can't
deal with... I'm too worried about
my mom to think about anything else." Her shoulders began to shake
again. "Just leave me alone,
Spike. Please."
"If that's what you want, luv," he said, raising his hand
again, then dropping it without touching her. "If there's nothing I can do to
help." He started to get up,
then sat down again as her words sank in.
"Too worried about your mum? Is something wrong with Joyce?"
Her glare told him she had forgotten his affection for her mother,
and his assurances that chip or no chip, he would never touch her. He stared back at Buffy, waiting for her
to remember how many times she'd caught him having cocoa or tea in Joyce's
kitchen. Her eyes narrowed as she
stared at him, assessing the honest concern in his gaze before her face relaxed
and she nodded.
"I forgot you and Mom are... " She
peered at him again, biting her lip. "...friends?"
"I'd like to think so," he said with a shrug. When she
didn't say anything else, he nudged her arm with his elbow. "So, what's going on, Slayer?"
She took a deep shuddering breath and for a moment he thought she
was going to cry again. Instead,
she stared at the ground, saying, "Nothing you can do anything about,
Spike. Or me, either. If I thought
we could fight it...." Her eyes flew up to his. "All the
super-strength in the world isn't going to—"
"For the love of—" He stopped and took a deep breath.
"Just tell me what's wrong, Buffy. Not saying I can fix it, just... I can't know that till I know what's going on,
can I?"
"The headaches... you know about the headaches?" He
nodded, but she didn't see it as she went on, once again staring at the
ground. "They... the 'nothing'
they told her it was – turns out it might not be nothing. It might be
a... a something. So, she's going to the hospital tonight so they can start all
their tests again in the morning."
Spike raised his head and watched as the light in Joyce's bedroom
went off and he heard her footsteps on the stairs. "How's she gettin'
there? You're not lettin' her go alone, are you?"
"No, of course not. We'll call a
cab...."
Spike snorted. "Someday, luv, you're going
to have to learn to drive."
"Someday," she shrugged. "But not tonight. I don't want her driving herself there,
though, so—"
He stood up. "I'll drive," he said quietly. "I'll get
her there safely and get you home again too."
Buffy stood up and faced him, running her eyes all over his face as
if she could read his mind by memorizing his features.
"I don't understand... You wanted to... and I... " She
glanced at the shotgun again. "Don't you hate me?"
He growled. "Don't flatter yourself, pet. Not the first woman
to turn me down. Prob'ly won't be the last. I'm doing this because it's your mum.
She's a nice lady, always treats me like a man. I like Joyce. And the nibblet.
Don't want to see anything bad happen to either one of them."
He turned his back on her and stomped to the door, holding it open
and looking back over his shoulder.
"You coming in?"
Buffy walked slowly up the steps, ducking under his arm with a
mumbled "thank you" as she preceded him into the kitchen. He followed her into the living room,
nodding a hello to Joyce at her startled, "Spike. It's... It's nice to see
you, but I'm afraid I..."
"Not here for tea and sympathy, Joyce," he said gruffly.
"Gonna help the Slayer get you to the hospital, is all."
Joyce gave Buffy a questioning glance, smiling when she saw her daughter
roll her eyes and nod.
"Thank you, Spike. That's very sweet of you
– isn't it, Buffy?"
"Yeah, yeah. He's a prince," Buffy muttered, sending Spike
a grateful look anyway.
Without further discussion, Spike picked up Joyce's overnight bag,
grabbed the car keys from the hall table and opened the front door. "Ladies?"
The ride to the hospital was quiet, each one lost in his or her own
thoughts. Spike sent occasional glances to Joyce, sitting in the passenger
seat. Her face was tense, as he
imagined it should be when facing tests that could change her life
forever. He could just see Buffy's
frowning face in the rearview mirror, her eyes unfocused, her lower lip being
gnawed on by small, perfect teeth.
With an effort, he yanked his gaze off her face and back onto the road.
He drove up to the hospital's emergency entrance and watched Buffy
jump out and reach back for Joyce's overnight bag. Joyce turned to Spike,
grimacing at his worried expression.
"Buffy's worried enough for all of us," she said with a
mother's wisdom. "I need for
you to be strong for her... no matter what. Promise me, Spike. That you'll be
strong for my girls."
A muscle twitched in Spike's jaw, the only sign that he was
disturbed by her words.
"You're going to be fine," he almost snarled.
"I certainly hope so," she replied
calmly. "But promise me anyway."
He stared at her, his entire heart bared. "You know you didn't
need to ask. Couldn't do anything else."
"I know that," she responded, brushing her fingers over
his cheek before turning to step out of the door Buffy was holding open.
"But Buffy doesn't."
"Buffy doesn't what?"
"I'll tell you later. After I get checked in." She put her
hand to her head briefly. "I'm a little tired."
Casting a quick look back at Spike, who waved her on, Buffy took
Joyce's elbow and walked her into the check-in area. As soon as Joyce was sitting down and
providing her information, Buffy set the bag down beside her and ran back
outside to where Spike was leaning against the driver's door, smoking and
curling his lip at the security guard trying to get him to move the big SUV.
He was just about to vamp out when Buffy walked up to him and
punched him on the arm.
"We don't annoy the nice man whose job it is to keep the road
clear for the ambulances," she said with less real anger than he would
have expected.
"You spoil all my fun," he grumbled, flicking the butt
away. "I was just about to make him piss himself."
"As entertaining as I'm sure that could have been, why don't
you just park the car and come inside? "
He blinked at her. "You want me to come
in?"
She hesitated. "Well... not if you don't want to. I just
thought... " She looked at his wide eyes and said with complete honesty,
"I don't want to be alone here. I don't like hospitals. It won't be long," she hurried on, misunderstanding
his hesitation and oblivious to the joy spreading across his face. "I have
to get home by morning. Dawn's at Janice's, but she's coming home early, and
I—"
"It's fine, Buffy," he said gently.
"I just didn't want to intrude...."
"Oh. Okay, then. I'll just be...." She
gestured toward the doors.
"Go on, luv. Go be with your mum. I'll be
right along."
He watched her walk back into the hospital, her head down until she
got to the door, where she stopped, took a deep breath, and squared her
shoulders, lifting her chin. He didn't have to see her face to see the smile
she'd plastered on before entering.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the time he'd parked the car and joined them in the registration
area, Joyce was just being placed in a wheel chair to be whisked off to her
room for the rest of the night.
Buffy hugged her fiercely, apologizing when Joyce winced at the effect
of slayer strength on her ribs. She
smiled her forgiveness and glanced at Spike.
"I was just telling Buffy that all I'm going to be doing for
the next few hours is sleeping, so it makes more sense for her to go home and
be there when Dawn gets home in the morning, so they can both be here for the
test results. You'll see that she
gets home all right, won't you, Spike?"
He watched with amusement as Buffy tried not to roll her eyes at the
implication that she wouldn't have been more than capable of seeing herself
home safely, knowing that it wasn't her physical safety that Joyce was worried
about.
"Whatever she wants, Joyce," Spike
said quietly. "Whatever she needs."
Buffy sent a puzzled look back and forth between her mother and the
vampire she thought she knew, and obviously didn't. She shrugged and turned back to Joyce.
"Okay, Mom. If you're sure. I guess that's a good idea. I just don't
want you to be alone..."
"I'll be sleeping, Buffy," she said gently. "Probably
better than I would if I was home in my own bed. I'll see you in the morning, all
right?"
Buffy gave Joyce another hug, before stepping away so that the
waiting orderly could take her to her room. She stood rigidly, watching until her
mother had disappeared into an elevator, then slumped back against Spike, who
had stepped up behind her in silent support. She remained leaning against him for a
few seconds, her head resting on his chest while his arms hovered at his sides.
He was unsure if they would be welcome around her. Before he could decide, she realized
what she was doing and straightened up.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I
forgot—"
"Forgot who I was?" he said lightly,
realizing immediately what she'd forgotten.
She flushed and shrugged.
Their eyes locked, allowing her to see the pain behind his mild words
and allowing him to see the dawning awareness in hers. "Let's go," she said abruptly,
wrenching her eyes away and heading for the automatic doors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ride home began in a comfortable silence, broken when Buffy
blurted, "A shotgun? You were going to shoot
me?"
"I dunno," he sighed. "Was bloody brassed off at you,
and...." He sighed again and risked a glance from the corner of his eyes.
"Doubt I would have done it," he admitted. "Even if you hadn't
been...."
"Falling apart?" she finished for him,
giving him a wry smile.
"I was gonna say, 'upset', and rightfully
so."
He was already pulling into the driveway when she nudged him with
her foot, saying, "If I'd know it was that easy to keep you from killing
me, I'd have started crying years ago."
He snorted. "Wouldn't have worked as well
then, pet. Trust me."
"But it does now," she said softly.
"It does," he agreed, turning the car off and handing her
the keys. "Come on. Promised
your mum I'd see you safely home."
"I am
safely home!" she said, waving her hand at the house.
"Not till you're inside," he said. "You never know
what evil thing might be lurking between here and the front door."
"Aside from you, you mean."
"Aside from me."
Buffy put the key into the lock and stood indecisively for a second.
When she felt Spike begin to turn away, she said without looking at him,
"Do you want to come in? I could make cocoa."
"You need to get some sleep, luv."
Buffy turned around in time to catch the wistful expression on his
face. "I won't be able to
sleep. It's only a few hours till
daylight." She hesitated. "I could use the company."
Neither of them mentioned that she had a boyfriend she could have
called. Spike just nodded and followed her through the now-open door. She
closed and locked it, waving her hand at the living room.
"Find us something to watch while I make the cocoa," she
said, shrugging out of her jacket and heading for the kitchen.
Spike went into the
living room and picked up the remote, scrolling through the channels until he
found an old movie about Robin Hood.
He glanced up when Buffy was back sooner than he'd expected, holding two
mugs. She handed one to him,
apologizing as she did so.
"I don't know how to make it from scratch like Mom does. This
is just the quickie stuff. But I did put little marshmallows in yours."
"It's fine, Buffy. Better than fine," he added, his eyes
never leaving her face. She blushed and sat down, close to but not touching
him.
"So, what are we watching?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
When Dawn walked in at seven a.m., she found Buffy sleeping soundly,
her head on Spike's shoulder, his hand resting lightly on the one that had
fallen onto his leg, and his own head against the back of the couch, eyes
shut. Dawn studied the peaceful
scene for a minute, then grinned to herself and slammed the door.
"Riley! Hey, how are you? Sure, come on in. Buffy's right
here... on the couch... with—" Dawn giggled with delight when both
heads snapped up and Buffy rolled off the couch onto the floor, staring around
wildly.
Spike just snarled at her, his senses telling him immediately that
there was no other human in or near the house.
"Very bloody funny," he growled,
sitting up and stretching his arms over his head.
"It wouldn't have been funny if Riley was actually here,"
Dawn pointed out, staring at her blushing sister. "You'd be a larger than
normal dust bunny by now."
"We just fell asleep," Buffy muttered,
embarrassed now by her guilty reaction.
"Yeah, I got that. The question is, why were you asleep on the
couch... with Spike? No offense," she said quickly when the vampire glared
at her. "But..."
Buffy sighed and stood up. She exchanged looks with Spike, who
nodded at her encouragingly.
"Dawn, I've got something to tell you..."
~~~~~~~~
Only a half hour later, they were showered and changed and prepared
to leave.
Buffy glanced around the living room and kitchen, disappointed when
she saw that Spike had left. Only
when they went out the front door did she see why.
Parked behind her mother's SUV was Spike's old car, all the windows
painted black on the inside and only a slit for him to look out.
"You've got to be kidding me," she said, shaking her
head. "You can't possibly
drive that thing."
"Been getting around in this car for more years than you've
been alive," he growled through the barely open window, offended on behalf
of his car. "Get in."
"Spike..."
"It's safe enough, luv. I promise you. Wouldn't have brought it
here if I didn't know that.
Anyway," he pointed out, "it's only 7:30 in the morning, on a
weekend. Nobody else is going to be on the road yet."
Dawn was already climbing into the back seat, staring around in
wonder at the assortment of bottles on the floor. Buffy shook her head again,
but got into the passenger side.
She was surprised to find it was fairly clean, only an empty pack of
cigarettes on the floor to mar the neatness.
Spike pulled the car up in front of the main hospital entrance and
waited for the girls to get out. Dawn threw a "Thanks, Spike" over
her shoulder as she headed for the entrance, while Buffy lingered by the open
door.
"Go on, luv," he said. "Just let
me know what's what, yeah?"
"How am I going to do that? Do you have a phone in the crypt to
go with all the unicorns?"
He rolled his eyes, trying to tell himself he had not detected
jealousy in her voice. "The
unicorns are gone," he said without explanation. "And I'll check in with you
tonight. Maybe sit with your mum a
while if she's still here."
Buffy bit her lip. "I wish... " She shook her head and
started over. "Thank you. For last night and this morning."
"You're welcome, luv. I'll be back."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy had called all the Scoobies to tell them about the CAT scan
results and phoned Riley, skillfully deflecting his questions about why she
hadn't called him immediately, before the lack of sleep caught up with her. She
was dozing quietly by Joyce's bedside, her hand clinging to her mother's even
in her sleep, when her friends began to arrive.
Only Giles was allowed into the room, his lie about being Buffy's
uncle allowing him to circumvent the only-one-visitor-at -a-time rule. Buffy filled him in while Joyce was
signing the papers authorizing the surgery planned in a couple of days. There
was discussion about whether or not she should remain in the hospital until the
surgery, but she was rather insistent that she could wait just fine in her own
house. After chatting with Buffy
about both the impending surgery and some possible odd behaviors she could
expect from her mother, the doctor agreed to allow Giles to take them all back
to Revello Drive.
Riley's visible pouting had Buffy agreeing to ride with him and to follow
Giles as he drove Dawn and Joyce home. Xander and Willow expressed their concern
to Joyce, then left, assuring Buffy that they were available for anything the
Summers family might need. Riley's
disappointment when Buffy reacted with wide eyes and a shocked expression to
his suggestion that he come back to stay the night, required still more of her
time. She worked to soothe his
injured feelings, telling him that she and Dawn just wanted some alone time
with their mother before the surgery and that she really appreciated his desire
to help. She couldn't help
contrasting Riley's insistence on being present to Spike's low-key willingness
to do whatever she asked.
"Why are you making this so difficult?" she finally asked,
fighting to keep the anger out of her voice.
"Because I'm your boyfriend and you're acting like I'm some
intruder here. You'd think I was
Spike or somebody, the way you're pushing me away."
"Spike has better sense than to aggravate me when I'm stressed
about my mother," she snapped before thinking.
"How do you know that, Buffy?" Riley asked, his eyes
narrowing suspiciously. "You have no idea how he'd react to. Other than to
do what he could to rattle you, I imagine."
"Spike likes my mother," Buffy said stiffly. "They're
friends. He wouldn't do anything to interfere with what she wants... or what
Dawn and I want."
"Your mother is not friends with a vampire who is only walking
around because you refuse to stake him.
Where do you get that?"
"From her," Buffy replied, gritting her teeth. "And from
him, for that matter. TheyÉ like each other. Always have, even after the
incident with the axe."
Riley frowned, then decided it was more important to pursue Buffy's
clear misunderstanding than it was to get an explanation for "the incident
with the axe".
"Buffy," he said gently, striving for patience.
"Please tell me you haven't allowed your mother to interpret Spike's
current inability to hurt her as some sort of affection? You and I both know
that he'd kill her in a heartbeat if he wasn't chipped."
Buffy cocked her head and stared at him, then shrugged. "My mom
and Spike were friends before he got chipped... and long before I had any idea
he was dropping in on her for tea and cocoa." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Riley. I forget
sometimes that you really don't know very much about our lives before you came
to Sunnydale. That's probably my fault.
I just never thought about mentioning Spike and—"
"You didn't think to mention that your mother had given a
dangerous vampire access to your home?"
"Um... actually, that would have been me... years ago when he
and I had to... You know, this is just going to get too complicated to go into
right now. All you need to know is
that Spike has had access to my house for years and he's never harmed anyone
here."
Riley stared at her. "Sometimes I feel like
I don't know you at all...."
"Heh." Buffy smiled weakly. "Sometimes
I'm not sure I know me either."
"Maybe if we spent more time
together..."
"I'm sure you're right, Riley. As soon as all this stuff with
my mom is over, we'll definitely spend more time together. I promise. Maybe we'll go away for a weekend or...
something."
"As soon as the stuff with your mom is over," he
echoed. "The stuff that you
don't need me around for."
"Riley, I need for you to understand what I need. And right now, that's to have some time
with my mother and my sister."
"So, you won't be patrolling tonight, I guess?"
Buffy shook her head. "I'm not sure yet. I might go out later. If Mom's asleep
and... I might."
"How's your side?"
"Oh, pretty much like new. Little red mark. Go, slayer healing," she added when
he stared at her dubiously.
"Here, see?" She lifted her shirt and showed him the angry
scar that was all that was left of the wound he'd doctored two days ago.
"You heal faster than a vampire," he said, not noticing her
narrowed eyes. "It's interesting. I'm surprised Maggie didn't want to
study you when she had the chance."
"Is that how you studied Spike?" she
asked, keeping her voice casual.
"Well, to an extent. He escaped before we could run all the
experiments we needed to, but, yeah, we already knew the average healing time
for a vamp. He just confirmed it. There was so much more we could have learned,
though... He was so much stronger than most of the vamps we captured. That's
why Maggie chose him for the chip. He would have made a great— Well,
that's all academic, isn't it?"
Buffy walked to the door and opened it, waiting for him to get the
hint. "Riley? You know how you said you really don't know me?" He nodded, moving with obvious
reluctance toward the door.
"I'm not sure how well I know you sometimes, either."
He frowned in confusion, but nodded. "All the more reason for
us to spend more time together, then."
"Yeah. All the more reason."
"Well, okay then," he said, leaning down to kiss her
unresponsive mouth. "I'll call you tomorrow. If your mother's okay with
it, maybe we can catch some lunch or something."
"Sure. Call me."
Buffy and Dawn spent the rest of the day
alternating between hovering over Joyce and arguing over which one was going to
stay up all night with her. Finally, Buffy came up with a solution.
"Okay, I'll go out patrolling for little
while – not long, but I didn't get anything covered last night,
so..."
"And I'll stay with Mom until you get home.
Got it."
They both turned their heads as the phone rang,
Buffy diving for it before it could ring again and wake Joyce who was napping.
"Hello?"
"Afternoon, luv. Just seein' what's going
on. Hospital said Joyce was released?"
"Hi, Spike. Well sort of. She's home for a few days.
Then she has to go back and..."
"And...?"
Buffy exhaled with a sigh. "How about you meet
up with me on patrol and I'll fill you in?"
"Could patrol for you if you'd like,"
he offered. "Case you want to
spend more time with your Mum."
Buffy smiled at the contrast between Spike's
concrete offer of assistance, and willingness to do whatever she needed most,
and Riley's assumption that the only way he could help was to be there.
"Thanks, but I need to get out for a while.
I need to work off some energy. I'm
not planning to be gone long. But I didn't go out at all last night, so who
knows what I missed."
"Didn't miss much," he said without
explanation. "Where do you
want me to meet you?"
"Let's hit Shady Acres. There were some funerals there this
week."
"Alright. 'bout eight?"
"Yeah. That's good. See ya."
"See you, Slayer."
~~~~~~~~~~
After assuring Joyce that she wouldn't be gone
long, warning an eye-rolling Dawn not to let anyone in, and hiding her usual
assortment of stakes, Buffy left to do a quick patrol for fledglings.
She had just dispatched her third newly-risen
vamp when she felt familiar tingles behind her. She turned to find Spike leaning on a
tombstone and smiling with admiration.
"Thought you might want some help with that
one, but I should have known better.
Nice work, pet."
Buffy nodded. "Thanks. Yeah, he was a
little more of a challenge than most newbies. I think he must have been some kind of
martial arts guy before he was turned."
"Or one of your boytoy's buddies,"
Spike said. "Like that
one...." He nodded toward a large vamp striding toward them, his uniform
still stained with blood and his gaze intent on Buffy.
"Take off, Hostile Seventeen," he
snarled. "This one's mine."
"She's the Slayer, you know," Spike
said without moving. "You might want to give that a bit of thought."
"I know what she's supposed to be. Didn't
believe in the Slayer then, and I don't believe it now."
"Your funeral." Spike shrugged and put
a cigarette in his mouth.
"Have at it, then."
"If you two are finished bonding, I'm on a
timetable here," Buffy said, tapping her foot impatiently.
"We're finished," the vamp snarled.
"And so are you." He leapt at Buffy, planning to use his weight to
bring her down. With a shrug, she side-stepped his body and held out a stake,
smiling at his expression as he crumbled to dust around it.
Spike shook his head. "They don't make 'em
like they used to," he muttered. "Thought he'd at least give you a
workout."
"I'm good," Buffy said, tucking the
stake away and walking up to him. "I should think about getting home now
so Dawn can go to bed."
Spike nodded and began strolling beside her.
"So, you going to tell me what happened today?"
Buffy bit her lip, then took a deep breath. In
short, blunt sentences she filled him in on what the CAT scan had shown and
what the doctors were planning to do about it. When she had finished, they walked along
in silence for several minutes before Spike whirled and punched his fist into a
nearby tree, splitting both the bark and his knuckles.
"Feel better?" Buffy asked, smothering
an urge to grab his hand and look at it.
"A bit."
"Hitting bad guys works better," Buffy
offered, giving him a small smile. "At least it did for me."
"Duly noted, pet," he said, smiling back
at her. "I'll see what I can find. As long as I won't be stepping on your
toes."
Buffy nodded. "Knock yourself out. I'm not
feeling possessive about the slaying right now."
They had reached the corner of Revello Drive and
Spike stopped. "Guess I'd best get back to where I belong," he said,
touching her arm to get her attention.
"You're not coming in?" Buffy blinked
in surprise, her eyes puzzled and hurt.
"Not cause I don't want to, luv," he
said softly, sliding his hand down her arm. "But don't want to cause you
any more heartache than you've already got." When she continued to stare at him
without comprehension, he tugged on her fingers and pulled her toward him,
taking her shoulders and turning her around. He waited, hands resting lightly
on her shoulders until he knew that Buffy had spotted Riley's car in the
driveway.
"That stubborn jerk!" she muttered.
"And I told Dawn not to let anybody in!"
"He's not in the house. He's in the car.
Can hear his heartbeat," he added, seeing Buffy's frown.
"It would serve him right if I snuck in the
back door and left him sitting out there all night," she said.
"You didn't know he was coming?"
"I told him not to. I told him we wanted to
be alone with our mom."
"Oh." He dropped his hands and started
to move away. "I'm sorry, pet. Didn't mean to intrude—"
"You're not intruding. I invited you. I
told him to stay away."
Buffy's expression was pure Slayer and Spike tried to hide his smile.
"You'd think a military man would know an
order when he hears one," he smirked, then softened his look. "Point is, pet, you've got enough
on your plate without rattling his cage by seeing me with you. I'll be back later." He shuffled
his feet and looked down at the ground. "Could take the late shift for
you. So's you can get some sleep
before tomorrow."
"Okay." She started to walk away then
turned. "Spike?" He was already some distance away, but whirled at
his name. "Why would it rattle
Riley's cage to see you with me?"
He tilted his head and studied her face for a
moment. "He's not quite as dumb as you might think, Buffy." Without more comment, he faded into the
shadows and was soon invisible. When his signature had faded as well, Buffy
sighed and continued toward her home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later, after she had sent Riley away, and Dawn
had gone to bed, Buffy sat in a rocking chair in Joyce's room. She had dozed off by the time Spike
slipped in through the back door, locking it behind him. He felt a brief moment of unaccustomed
guilt at having picked the lock, but shook it off, telling himself that it was
only due to his concern for the sleeping humans in the house.
He was standing at the bottom of the stairs,
uncertain about what to do next, when he heard one of the heartbeats speed up
and knew that Buffy had sensed his presence. She soon appeared at the top of the
stairs blinking sleepily and trying to comb out her hair with her fingers.
"Hi," she whispered. "I wasn't
sure if you were coming back or not."
"Said I would," he replied, moving
silently up to stand on the step below her.
She stepped back a pace, but he didn't move.
"How'd it go with the hall monitor?"
he asked, keeping his voice low. "Did you explain about following
orders?"
Buffy snorted. "Yeah, I think he got it
this time." She paused and met his eyes, now on a level with hers.
"You were right, though. It wouldn't have gone well if he'd seen you. I
don't know what that's about, but—"
Spike raised his hand and touched her cheek
lightly. "Yes, you do, Slayer. You might not want to admit it right now,
but you know exactly what it's about."
She shut her eyes briefly, then opened them
again. "Spike, I don't... I can't deal with...."
"Don't mean for you to, love. But not going
to hide it, either. All you need to know right now is that I'm available if or
when you need me. Won't force myself on you, or get in your way, but when this
is all over and your mum is better...."
"Later."
"Later," he agreed. "Now, why don't you catch some
sleep in a real bed, and I'll just be out here in the hall."
"How can you watch over—"
"Vampire, pet. Can hear your mum's
heartbeat, her breathing, and even smell her from out here. Can watch over her
without being in the room or close enough to frighten her."
"She's not afraid of you."
He nodded. "Never given her any reason to
be... well, after that first time, anyway."
They shared a brief smile over Spike's first
meeting with her mother; Buffy sighed and moved toward her bedroom. "You'll wake me if there's
any—"
"I will. Count on it."
"Night, Spike."
"Sleep well, Slayer."
He settled down with his back against the wall
and listened to the steady heartbeats of the Summers women.
~~~~~~~~
The long wait for Joyce's surgery to be over was
relieved just a little by the presence of the people closest to her. Buffy glanced around the small waiting
room and reminded herself how lucky she was to have Giles, Willow and Xander in
her life. Even Anya and Tara were
now a firm part of the group and kept an anxious vigil with her. Dawn was
working off her nervousness by jabbering at Riley about school and her classes.
Buffy had relented and spent some time with him
after Joyce went back to the hospital, and he now seemed more willing to accept
her need to remain strong for Dawn. Although, he had narrowed his eyes with suspicion when she assured him that
patrol was "covered" the night before. That Spike had slipped into the hospital
to leave a tattered bouquet of flowers at Joyce's bedside and to report to
Buffy that he'd hit all the major cemeteries and one small one, seemed like information
best not shared with Riley.
Buffy leapt to her feet when the surgeon entered
the room, his eyes searching for her. Riley went to stand beside her, only to
find Giles already there, his hand resting lightly on Buffy's rigid shoulder.
"I think we got it all," the doctor
announced without preamble. "She
came through beautifully and I anticipate a full recovery." He smiled as Buffy sagged with relief.
"Your mother is young and strong. There's no reason for her not to be
completely recovered in record time."
"Can I see her now?"
He shook his head. "She's still in
recovery. She's awake, but not really aware of her surroundings yet. And she'll be on some heavy-duty pain
killers for a day or so. I suggest
you return this evening. She should be back in her room and able to talk to you
by then."
Buffy felt in her pocket for the cheap cell
phone Spike had given her the night before. When she'd protested, he assured her
he'd come by it honestly – "If you call taking it off some demon I
was about to kill, honestly."
She pulled it out and gave the doctor the number, telling him that she
would keep the phone with her all day.
He wrote it down, assured her again that her mother was going to be
fine, and went back through the swinging doors. Buffy quickly slipped the phone
back into her pocket, wishing briefly that Spike had found one for himself so
that she could tell him the happy outcome.
When the good news had been shared and everyone
had hugged and cried with relief, Riley said he needed to go back to work. "Unless you want me to hang out
this afternoon..."
"No, that's fine. I think Dawn and I are
just going to go home and crash for a while. It's been a long day and I don't want to
look like I spent it worrying when I come back to see Mom this evening."
"All right," he replied. "I'll come
back later this evening then. I'm guessing you'll be here?"
She nodded. "Yes, I'll be here as long as
they let me stay. I know he said
she's going to be fine, but I won't believe it until I see it for myself."
He hugged her and brushed a kiss over her
head. "You know I'm here for
you," he said. "All you
have to do is ask."
"I know that, Riley. And I appreciate it, I
really do. I'm sorry I've been such
a bitch lately..."
"You're worried. I'm not stupid, Buffy. I
understand that. I just don't understand why you don't want to lean on me. Where I'm from, a girl like you
would—"
"Riley, where you're from, there are no girls like me. If that's what you're looking
for—"
"I didn't mean it that way," he said quickly.
"I love you just the way you are, I just... You know what? We can talk about this some other
time." He kissed her, holding the kiss until she responded, then stepped
away. "Let's go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike was pacing the crypt, muttered curses against
sunlight interspersed with frustrated growls. Vowing to find another cell phone if he
had to search every vampire or demon he killed, he continued striding back and
forth. The sound of his outer door
opening brought his head up, and he grabbed a nearby axe, throwing it away when
he sensed who was outside. He ran to the door, unbolting the inner one and
throwing it open.
"Buffy?"
She slipped into the crypt, letting him shut the
door against the bright sunshine. He stared at her face, trying to read her
mind, sighing in relief when she broke into a grin.
"She's going to be fine. They got it all and they said she's
going to be just fine. Isn't that wonderful?"
"It is. More than wonderful – it's
bloody brilliant!" They stared
at each other, both grinning until he lifted her into a hug, twirling around
until she was laughing and gasping, "Stop! You're making me dizzy."
He stopped twirling and allowed her feet to
slide down to the floor, not releasing her until she had stopped swaying. They
stood, bodies barely touching and Spike's arms loosely around her waist. Buffy's hands still rested on his
shoulders.
"I... I'm okay now. You can let go." She stared up at him, her lips parted.
Her tongue darted out to lick them nervously.
"Don't want to," he said, inclining
his head toward hers. "Don't ever want to..."
She didn't recoil this time, but her face fell
into a worried frown.
"Spike...."
He stopped himself. "Right. Promised you,
didn't I? Sorry, pet." He removed his arms but didn't step
back.
Buffy touched his cheek, then slid her hands
down to rest on his chest. She stroked
her thumbs across his tee-shirt, enjoying the hard muscles under it and not
noticing the effect it was having on Spike.
"Not fair, Slayer," he said hoarsely.
"I may be dead, but I'm a long way from buried."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, letting her
hands drop back to her side, but remaining inside his personal space. "I didn't mean to...." She
stopped and shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I've got a perfectly good, normal, human
boyfriend. Why do I want to kiss a vampire?"
Spike's face lit up at her unintentional
confession. "Because you're developing better taste in men?" he said
hopefully, putting his arms around her again.
"Oh, God. I said that out loud, didn't
I?" She peered up at him, making no attempt to break out of his loose
embrace. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to pretend you never heard
it?" He raised one amused eyebrow and waited for her to sigh her
acceptance. "I didn't really
think so."
"There're not many things I wouldn't do for
you, Buffy. But pretending I didn't hear you say you want to kiss me? That's
got to be top of the list."
"This is just making things so complicated...."
she breathed, raising her face to meet his. He murmured his agreement through lips
that were already moving over hers in a way that was instantly familiar, even
though it had been over a year since Willow's spell. Buffy's arms came up around his neck and
he pulled her closer, holding her against him when her knees seemed to weaken.
"Could kiss you forever," he whispered
when he let her stop to take a quick breath. "I want to just keep kissing you
until we get too tired to stand up."
"Really?" she said, unable to control
her giggle. "That's all you
want? Could've fooled me." In
spite of her good-natured giggle, she pulled away from him until she could no
longer feel the proof of his lie against her hip.
"I'm sorry, love," he said, completely
unembarrassed as he stepped back and adjusted himself. "Don't think I've
got any control over that." He managed not to mention that all his senses
were telling him that she'd been just as affected as he was; although Buffy's
blush said she knew he could tell.
"I guess I should get back. Giles will be
bringing Dawn home and I said I'd be there. I... I didn't tell anybody that I
was coming here first, but I knew you'd want to know."
"I appreciate it, pet. Was about to wear through the floor
waiting for the bloody sun to go down."
She smiled and moved toward the door. "Okay. I'm going. I... I guess you'll come to visit Mom
tonight?"
He nodded, moving with her. "I'll wait till
they've settled down for the night, and I'll sneak in real quiet-like. If she's
asleep, I won't bother her. Just need to see for myself that she's
alright."
"You thought I would lie to you?"
Buffy's lip came out in an exaggerated pout, which caught his eye – just
as she'd intended.
"Gonna get that lip...." His snap
missed as she giggled and jumped out of reach.
"No more lip stuff," she said, shaking
her finger at him. "I've got
to leave."
"Not without kissing me good-bye you
aren't," he purred, leaping after her. They darted around the large stone room
in a playful imitation of hunting scenes Spike had played out a thousand
times. He was so happy to hear
Buffy giggle and to see her enjoying herself that he didn't try very hard to
catch her. When she stopped by the
door, trying to catch her breath in between giggles, he finally grabbed her and
swooped in for a lingering kiss. As
soon as she had begun responding the way he wanted, he released her and stepped
back. "Right then, Slayer. Off
you go."
Buffy's flushed face and rapid breathing were
harder to resist than he'd expected and he was just reaching for her again when
she opened the door and stepped into the sunlight. He got as close as he could to the
deadly rays and watched as she walked away, her steps lighter than they'd been
in days. As soon as he couldn't see
her anymore, he closed the door without latching it and walked to his
refrigerator for some blood. The
sound of the door opening had him turning, a smile on his face and Buffy's name
on his lips.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy had made it as far as the gate when she
caught movement from the corner of her eye and turned to see who else was
walking in the cemetery. Expecting
to see someone carrying flowers to a loved one's grave, she clapped a hand over
her mouth to smother an exclamation when she saw Riley marching in determined
fashion in the direction of Spike's crypt.
She frowned and began to follow him, dodging
behind trees and the larger headstones.
When he kicked open the door without stopping, she picked up her pace,
arriving just in time to see him bury a stake in Spike's chest. Her frightened scream
brought Riley's head around, and he hesitated before pushing even harder on the
stake.
Buffy covered the space between the door and the
pillar against which Riley had Spike pinned in one leap, knocking the big man
away. Her eyes met Spike's, hers full of anguish and horror, his puzzled, but
relieved. He yanked the stake out with a grunt of pain, turning it over and
over in his hand. Riley watched him
staring at the bloody stake, finally saying, "It's plastic. It just looks
like wood."
"Not that I'm not happy the Slayer isn't sweeping
me up with a broom, but what's the bloody point, wanker?"
"Torture," Buffy said flatly.
"Make the victim think he's going to die. You could just keep doing that
over and over until he went crazy."
Spike growled. "Sounds like something
Angelus would think of." He
grabbed a nearby bottle of whiskey and began swallowing.
Riley looked briefly uncomfortable, then
shrugged. "It was just something left over from the experiments."
"And your reason for stabbing Spike with
it?"
"I was just sending a message," Riley said,
glaring at Spike. "It could just as easily have been real. Something for
you to remember, Hostile Seventeen."
"A message? About what?" Buffy stared at him with her mouth open,
flushing when she remembered what she and Spike had been doing just before he
came in.
Riley didn't see her red face, he just continued
to stare coldly at Spike, saying, "He knows what. Don't you, Spike?"
Buffy looked back and forth between the stoic
vampire and the angry man.
"Me? This is about me?"
"He wants you, Buffy. I don't know why you
can't see that. It's obvious. In his twisted mind, if he can't kill you, he'll
find some other way to have you."
Buffy frowned briefly and hesitated, then her
eyes met Spike's and she shook off her momentary suspicion.
"I don't think so, Riley."
"Then you're blind," Riley snapped.
"Anyone with two eyes can see how much he wants you. "
"Oh, I believe he wants me," Buffy
said, causing Spike to cough over his laugh – then curse as the rapid
movement pulled on the gaping hole in his chest. "I just don't think there's any
relationship between that and the fact that he used to want to kill me."
"Well, of course there is. Why else would
he want you?"
Buffy gaped at her about-to-be-ex boyfriend, not
sure how to respond to his obvious disbelief. She wavered between hurt feelings
and slowly growing anger. As she
started to speak, Spike interrupted.
"I've got this, Slayer," he said,
rising from the chair where he'd been guzzling all the alcohol he could find in
an attempt to dull the pain. He
walked up beside Buffy, bottle in hand and glared at Riley. "Why else would I want her, you
stupid git? How about because she's
beautiful, good, kind, brave, funny, sexy, loving, loyal, protective of her
family, and an all around amazing woman?" He took another swig from the
bottle and grimaced as his arm dropped back to his side. "Oh yeah, and she's the Slayer. She kills things.
My kind of woman."
"You left out thrifty and reverent,"
Buffy whispered, helping him back to his chair.
"And thrifty and reverent," he added,
his words beginning to slur. He
looked up at Buffy with sad eyes.
"Hurts, pet," he said plaintively.
"I know. We'll fix it in just a
minute. Have another
drink." He happily complied
and Buffy turned her attention back to Riley.
"You need to leave now. He left out a couple of important
traits." Buffy picked up the plastic stake and began twirling it.
"What traits?" Riley blustered, edging
toward the door and away from the pointed object Buffy was holding.
"My short temper and need to punish anyone
who hurts my friends or family."
She threw the stake with unerring accuracy, embedding it in the wood of
the door, inches from Riley's face.
"You'd better hope nothing else happens to Spike, Riley. In fact,
if you were smart, you'd become his guardian angel, 'cause just so you know
– If he disappears I'm not going to waste time wondering where he went,
I'm just going to come looking for you."
When Riley had beat a hasty retreat and the door
had been slammed and locked behind him, Buffy ran back to Spike and fell to her
knees in front of him.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I
had no idea he..."
"'s alright, love. I'm not dust, and I'll
heal in a few days. Could begin now
if you bring me some blood from the fridge."
Buffy bit her lip and stood up. "I'll be
right back."
She pulled a bag of O Neg out of the back of the
refrigerator, making a mental note to scold Spike for drinking human blood,
even if it did have a clear expiration date on it. She poured it into a large Ball jar, and
then glanced over her shoulder. Spike was resting with his eyes shut, one hand
on the hole in his chest. Buffy grabbed a sharp knife from the table and ran it
across her palm. The wound began to
close almost immediately, but she dripped as much blood as she could coax from it
into the glass, using the knife to stir it into the older, colder blood already
there.
She walked back and crouched beside the chair
again, nudging Spike into taking the glass.
"Here. This should help," she
said. His eyes narrowed as the
scent of her blood reached his nose.
"What did you do?" he growled, lifting
the glass to his face and sniffing it.
"I just added a few vitamins to your
drink," she said. "And don't think I didn't notice that it wasn't pig
blood I was doctoring up."
Without responding with anything but a guilty
shrug, he put the glass to his mouth and drank until it was gone. With a sigh, he dropped his arm and let
the heavy glass drop into Buffy's waiting hands. Eyes closed, he leaned his head back
again and just basked in the powerful blood now permeating his body.
Buffy carried the glass back to the
"kitchen", returning quickly to his side.
"How do you feel?"
"Like somebody just fed me Slayer
blood," he said, opening his eyes. His expression was completely unguarded
as he stared at her. "You know I love you, don't you?"
Buffy nodded. "I know," she said
softly. "I... Spike...
I..."
"Shh, pet. Know you're not for the likes of
me. I am beneath you. But I'm
gonna be yours till I'm dust.
You're jus' going to have to get used to walking on me."
"I don't want to walk on you," she said, touching his leg when he grimaced in pain
that had nothing to do with his wound.
"I didn't mean it like that.
I meant I want you beside me." She bit her lip and edged closer to
him, rising to her knees so as to be closer to his face. Spike's legs fell open
and she moved between them, kneeling right in front of him. "I can't promise you that I... that
I will love you. I'm still getting
used to the idea that I want to kiss you." When he tried to speak, she held up her
hand. "But I can tell you that when I saw that stake
go into your chest..." She shook her head. "I don't ever want to feel like
that again."
Spike leaned forward and rested his head against
hers.
"I'll take whatever crumbs you want to give
me, Buffy. Just being allowed to touch you, to hold you... it's more than I
ever hoped for."
"I think we left crumbs behind when I told
you I wanted to kiss you," she said, blushing. "I just don't know if we can make a
loaf out of them yet."
"I've got all the time in the world." He
brushed his lips across hers, then winced and sat back in the chair.
"Heal first, make bread later," she
said firmly, standing up and leaning down to kiss him.
"Later," he echoed. "Gonna hold you to that,
Slayer."
"I'm counting on it." She smiled and
touched his cheek softly.
"I'll be back to check on you later tonight. 'k?"
Spike turned his head and kissed her palm,
smiling when he heard her heart speed up. "I'll be waiting."
The End